Many young women believe remaining abstinent until marriage is an old-fashioned, unattainable ideal. Some believe that a woman who believes that sex before marriage is wrong devalues herself and her sexuality because she isn’t allowing herself to experience true sexual freedom.
I disagree.
This isn’t a blog passing judgment on people who believe differently than me, this is a blog clearly stating what I believe to be true.
10 reasons why waiting to have sex until you are married values you as a woman more than the women’s liberation – sexual freedom movement.
1. Many times women give up their virginity before they are married NOT because they enjoy the sex, but rather to make themselves feel valued by the opposite sex.
2.Within a healthy marriage the consequences of sex are always positive.
That means that there are no unwanted consequences. In essence the consequences are completely up to the woman in marriage, or at the very least up for mutual discussion. Furthermore, a woman is never left to deal with any consequence of sex alone.
3. Women peak sexually when they are older.
Sexual Development
The average woman peaks sexually after the age of 30. This means that women get the most fulfillment and enjoyment in sex later in life. This happens to be near the average age that women get married, 26 years old.
4. Sex within a healthy monogamous marriage values a woman’s security.
One of the biggest emotional need of a woman is security. Some of the biggest wounds and scars in women that I counsel are times when sex has been misused, abused, or used in the rejection of women. One solution our world offers is become sexually promiscuous. I believe a more valuing and healing option would be to save sex for a committed, healthy, and trusting marriage. There is security in having sex with someone who has committed to not leave, abuse, misuse, or abandon you.
5. Sex is more fun in marriage.
One benefit to a lifelong commitment is intimacy and exclusivity. One of the benefits of a relationship with that kind of depth and commitment is fun and closeness. It completely takes away performance, fear, and selfishness. It is complete freedom. And it is fun.
6. There is not shame is sex within a healthy marriage.
Outside of a marriage relationship there cannot be absolutely full disclosure between a man and a woman. This always allows an opportunity for the feelings of shame in some area.
7. Sex inside a healthy marriage is consensual.
Humans are different from other animals because of a higher level of reasoning. In other words, there is always the “why” behind the action. Many times the reason “why” many women choose to lose their virginity is because of pressure from a man, feelings of performance, fear of rejection or losing the relationship, and other similar reasons. By choosing to wait to have sex until marriage, the reasons “why” a woman chooses to have sex honor and value her wishes always. Reasons come from a place of love and as a response to intimacy, desire, procreation, deepening the relationship, or meeting personal needs or desiring to meet the needs of the one you love.
8. Sex within a healthy marriage honors femininity.
Men have the cultural “macho” reputation of being able to have free and plenty sex without consequence. For women, that male reputation is angering. “Why the double standard?” In response, many women believe that women should have the freedom to act the same as these men, and consequently tell society they don’t care if they are viewed as a woman “slut” instead of “macho” man. The logic behind this ultimately devalues our gender. Why?
Women who buy into this logic are ultimately trying to have what men have. Instead of being a part the solution to something they see as a problem, they believe that by joining what they disagree with they will experience freedom. This is not only NOT true equality, and it’s also NOT placing a greater value on women.
Its time we celebrate what it means to be a woman. Instead of spending our efforts in being a man, we need to debunk and fight back against our culture and its dishonoring, devaluing view on womanhood. We should spend our time celebrating what makes us valuable and different as females instead of becoming the ugly qualities of the male gender.
9. Waiting to have sex is the truest form of being ‘pro-choice.’
Women’s liberation movements say that a woman has the right to choose to have sex and choose her reproductive options in the way she desires. I’m not disagreeing with this statement, but I am saying that there is a better way, a way that places a higher value on the woman.
Sex within marriage is safe, special, and values the woman ultimately with exclusivity. It’s not just becoming sexual prowess to prove that we can do what we want without consequence. It’s having that choice and choosing the choice that values our bodies, our hearts and our gender.
10. Honoring marriage honors women because it honors God.
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
Romans 12:1-2
Genesis chapter 1 tells us that men and women were created in the image and likeness of God. Every human being regardless of race, age, gender, and socioeconomic class deserves honor and respect. Any notion of “human rights” in Western cultures stems from this very biblical doctrine. Not saving sex for marriage cheapens sexuality. A low view sexuality produces a lowered view of humanity, and a lower view of humanity dishonors God. In this regard, saving sex for marriage honors women (as well as men) because it places a precious value on sexuality. And by placing a higher view of our sexuality, we have a higher view on humanity as made in image of God. This value for all people honors God.
Here is an amazing sermon by my husband during North’s “Taboo” series on sexuality. “Sexuality”
awhitestoneblog
I love this post!
I’m just going to be the “Devil’s Advocate” but what do you say to the friend that doesn’t desire to ever get married? And there are definitely people out there that have never married. Just curious to hear your thoughts. =)
Kelia,
:)
Thank you for your response! I appreciate you taking your time to comment.
Here is my response. The post is not an argument of sexuality, but one of gender. And I think it’s important to keep that in mind. Im not arguing whether or not premarital sex is right or wrong, rather I’m using sexuality as a way to argue which standard view of sex places a higher value on our gender. However, if you want to know my opinion, I would say that I hold a Biblical view on pemarital sex. I just want to clear that it wasn’t the point of this post, but I know I’m opening for discussion lots of different things with this one!
As for your friend, it’s very common for our generation to not want to ever get married. Statisticly, it’s being called an epidemic. Kelia, you know as well as me, who could blame anyone for not wanting to get married! Look at the generation above us, broken marriages, broken hearts, broken kids (us). There are many factors to our generation shying away from marriage more than ever, the most obvious is the lack of healthy marriages in our world today. Sadly, we rarely see marriage being done in the way it was created to be done, the way it was intended to be done. It’s no wonder we are all afraid of it! It’s a valid fear. This, however, doesn’t mean that a Godly marriage isn’t possible. In fact, I would argue that it’s more important than ever before for our generation to do marriage well and redeem this mess we see.
Like anything and everything in this broken world, all that was created for good was broken when sin and pain entered the world. Marriage created to value, protect, create life…etc. Was not exempt. This was the doing of humanity, our selfishness and our pride. The brokeness of marriage ( and all things) isn’t God’s fault, it was our’s. God is the answer. God is the hope. God is the redemption. God is the reconciliation. The point of Jesus’ death was to make a way for us to come back into intimate relationship and LOVE with God. It is only by being made whole through His love that we can experience true love, be filled with love, healed by love, and able to love so freely. His work of redemption is not exclusive to salvation, it’s so much bigger. It’s for the whole world, nature, relationships…etc. It’s for marriage.
I believe one of the ways God chooses to show us value as women is through redemptive marriage- for all the reasons above- more importantly and personally, He has done it in my life through marriage.
My advice to you for your friend, begin to see Godly marriage possible because of what Jesus did on the cross. It’s not perfect in this world, but it’s redemptive through Jesus Christ. See it as a picture, a glimpse, a reflection of God’s covenant love for us! A picture of His reconciliation, pursuit, and relationship with us. Redemptive marriage is a picture of the Gospel! This is important for your friend to know, it’s a way for she or him to see Jesus! It’s a way to share Jesus! And it’s our call to not just talk about Him but to display Him to the world through our walk- through our marriages.
Love ya girl!:)
-KR
This is a beautiful post. Women need to be reminded that they are already valuable and lovely and do not need to give themselves away to be valuable and lovely.
Were you a virgin when you were married? If so, how do you know the things you posted about sex before marriage are true?
I understand there are circumstances that everyone can observe and see the hurt caused by a misuse of sex- such as rape and sexual abuse. I know that we can all agree that these things are not how God intended for sex to be used, but those terrible things can also happen within a marriage. Marriage is not always a safe haven from the world and it is not void of sexual problems abuse or otherwise. I think this should be communicated as well- just because you wait to have sex until you’re married doesn’t mean there are not going to be problems or that, as a women, we would feel completely secure in ourselves. Ideally, yes, we would feel secure and loved, but in this world, that is just not always the case.
In the end, this just makes me wonder: if married people can have unhealthy sex lives does that mean that unmarried people are capable of having a healthy sex life? They are both exceptions to the rule.
Sydne,
Thanks for your comment!!
Kristin,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I think your comment was brilliant and your questions valid. You raise an excellent point, it most assuredly should be communicated that not every marriage is valuing to women. In fact, some of the most painful and devaluing experiences for our gender can happen in marriage, certainly.
In fact, if you look at the larger scale of marriage as an institution, it’s failing. Marriage has reached a crisis in this world. But what was God’s intention for marriage in the first place? Ephesians 5 says that marriage and specifically sex is a glimpse, a way to see something eternal through something physical and common. In other words, marriage was created by God so that we can know and experience love and intimacy and oneness with another in order to get a glimpse of Gods love and relationship with us.
Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for us to screw it up. When sin and pain entered the world, so did a cycle of death. Even nature shows us the extent of the brokenness and pain in the world, but I know I don’t even have to look that far. I’ve experienced my own sin, pain, been sinned against, been abused by love, been hurt, rejected, abandoned, and even been broken. Hurting people hurt people, and I am one of them.
So what’s the answer? For me, for you, for marriage?
God made a way. You see, for a long time, I thought it was His fault. But one day I realized, the truth. He is the only hope, the only answer. Jesus died to bring us back into relationship with God. He took our sin AND our pain, and now we can experience pure, true, untainted love in Him. His work on the cross was not just for salvation, He came to redeem the whole world. This includes marriage. Redemptive marriage was one way that God redeemed me. It’s been one way that I have seen how much God loves me. It has been one way that I’ve experienced love when I didn’t deserve it, earn it, and in my worst moments. Redemptive marriage is only possible through the work of Jesus. And it’s through it that we can experience Gods love in the way we were meant to before sin and pain. It’s not perfect, but it’s possible for 2 people to be filled with a love from God and to then love another through His love and strength.
So you are right, it is possible for married people to have unhealthy and healthy sex lives. I do not think that because that is true for married people it’s possible to conclude that unmarried people are the same. I think that would be an assumption. Im not here to make that assumption. This blog is not about sexuality, rather I’m using sexuality to make a point about gender.
My point is that women receive the most value in their sexuality through sex inside of a marriage redeemed by God. God values women, and women best experience His love and value through the context in which He first created them to experience it.
Thank you so much for commenting! You bring up great points!
-KR
How would YOU like being called “devalued”?
Katie,
You have such insight and wisdom for a young woman! I am so impressed with your answers to the questions and your willingness to receive criticism without frustration or defensiveness. God has given you an amazing gift and you are most certainly using it for His glory!! You inspire me to be strong in my faith and to never be ashamed of what I know is the Truth of God’s word!
You go girl! God Bless!!
I agree with all of your points! Amazing!
Kristen, I loved your post. Having been married to my high school sweetheart for going on 6 years now…..and going through an ugly divorce with him….I totally agree with you.
The point you made at the end really hit home with me…as I have been a married woman, and now a single woman.
point in case,…sex to some, is just that, sex. Its a physical act that requires nothing more than bodily functions.
Sex to some, is an intimate connection of many levels that requires all those levels of connection to become a productive event.
Weather or not God values women is not the questions, or the problem. So to say that sex in a “healthy” marriage brings more value to a woman is hokus pokus is my book.
I do not, did not, never have had sex with anyone to bring myself value, to feel valued or cared for or loved etc etc by any man. To say that “in most cases” a woman is left to deal with the consequence of sex if she is not married, is false….and on the flip side, that she isnt alone if she is married. Again, having been BOTH of these women, I can honestly say….its give and take. I have been handed much worse than “consequence of sex” to deal with, with or without my husband or companion. Furthermore, “most” people consider the consequence of sex, pregnancy. If THAT is the weight you are putting on pregnany, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT BEING A CONSEQUENCE OF SOMEONE ELSE’ ACTIONS? NEVER NEVER NEVER in a BUHZILLION would I call my children a “consequence” of sex. They are “a product of” by law which is just as gross a term. Children are GIFTS from God, not a consequence.
The emotional “baggage” that comes with sexual activity is all relative to the individual person. I do not consider my sexual relationship with my exhusband “baggage” nor do I consider the father of my unborn son, “baggage” Just because we arent married, and chose not to be does not lessen the value of our relationship, our sexual relationship OR the value of the “consequence” we call our son. -you know, his mom was not happy at first to be a grandma…..and I looked her and said, “Mary, Everything happens for a reason right?” she replied, “of course”…I said, “We pray to the same God, so if you have a problem with Him giving us this baby, take it up with him”…..she was dumbfounded and had nothing more to say.
at anyrate, its all subjective and matter of opinion.
This is so wise and profound. I love that you take it from the perspective that you have. Girls are being exposed to the issue of sex at a younger and younger age now more than ever, and I would show this to any girl I know over 13. Sex has been made so casual and essentially meaningless in our world today, it’s just “something to do” for a lot of people, with consequences of shame and it’s just not satisfying- especially for women. God created sex a very special and sacred act, I think a more appropriate term for marital sex is “making love”, because it is an act of love, and when it is between a man and his wife, I believe it is a pure and fulfilling experience, and has the ability to strengthen the marriage and build a woman’s self confidence when she’s getting that affection and love from her husband.
I have to say Kate, that everything you have posted.
I can honestly say this because it is no secret of my past.
The value of marriage, and sanctity of marriage was destroyed by my life style from my past. Luckily I love and serve a Lord who forgives me.
I will admit though, it DOES with out a doubt devalue women. Any Man that sleeps with a woman before marriage doesn’t value her heart, morals, love, and VALUE.
A man who is truly a man of God, will love you and value you for saving sex for marriage.
Some may say they did not have sex for value…but at some point they needed some type of approval. If not they would have never felt the need to have sex before marriage in the first place.
I can also say there is “emotional baggage” no matter what, and can also have other type of “baggage.”
I was told once that everytime you experience something that should belong to your future husband with someone else, you give away part of your heart that should have one day been his.
So if you give someone who isn’t deserving of you parts of your heart, you take away some of the great experiences you and your husband could have shared.
I love my life and my son, but as a single mom I realize on a daily bases why sex was created for marriage! I wouldn’t give up my son for the world, but I can say my life and his could have been drastically different had I valued my virginity more…
Sorry this was kind of randomly thrown together, but for any girl debating on the subject of Sex, I would say with out a doubt : WAIT…It’s so worth it, and so are you!
Truly a matter of opinion, and Karis comment proved that. To say that someone was having sex because they were seeking approval…….broad words. To say that it DOES without a doubt devalue women,….again, matter of opinion.
my opinion is that one only is devalued if they allow themselves to be. Circumstance is different for everyone. I would never say it “devalues” me…case in point,….my EX HUSBAND….I WAS married to him….does my sexual relationship with him “devalue” me to my future spouse, or to my God? Im thinking not. I am proud of the life I have and so much happier, healthier, and content in my life as a non married mother versus when I was married.
At the end of the day, VALUE is a reflection of what you feel about yourself in your heart. Its incredibly sad that some ladies actions have made them value themselves less, or feel less valued by a man or God. Goes back to intent. What fuels your actions and decisions? IF you feel of less value, (my opinion) that would be a reflection of your poor choices and what you base those choices on.
Sumer,
Thanks so much for taking your time to respond to my post. I appreciate what you have to say. I think there is a very crucial point that I said in my blog and responses to early comments that I really want you to hear from my heart, the use of the word “devalued” was not in a personal sense. I would never say that any person has a lesser value than another. God would never say that either. His Word proves that and so did His actions on the Cross.
My point, on the other hand, is that i believe the female gender is being devalued by culture and society by the way that culture pressures women to become sexual objects and sexual prowess. My solution to what I object to in culture would be that women raise the value of their sexuality by not allowing culture or popular theory to form it for them. I suggest in other posts to not let culture define beauty. I suggest in this post to keep sex within marriage.
You are valuable to me and more importantly God.
-KR
I don’t think the qualities of sluthood or virginity have anything to do with either beauty or ugliness. I think something much uglier in our culture is people telling women that they’re valueless unless they have as much or as little of whatever kind of sex that fits whatever exterior standard is set for them, instead of being true to their own hearts when making choices about their sexuality.
I see the patriarchial movement that jeers and manipulates and tells women to take off their shirts for the camera as part of the same idea as the patriarchial movement that tells women they’ll be like roses plucked bare of petals if they ever do anything sexual without husbands. It’s about other people owning and controlling and making the decisions about women’s sexualities, instead of the women themselves, and it’s about assuming the people in your life have the right to judge you based on your real or perceived sexual history, because they rationalize that it somehow has anything to do with them. They’re threatened by the idea that a woman, somewhere, might be enjoying her sexuality on her own terms, and she is doing it without ever being punished.
The women’s movement, to me, is about fighting this ugly side of people that seeks to control others’ sexuality. The women’s movement is about setting up the kinds of situations where women can talk honestly and safely with each other about their feelings about and experiences with sexuality in a way that seeks to listen and help them be supported and safe instead of judging or shaming them for not fitting others’ standards. The women’s movement is NOT about deciding what Women, as a cohesive unit, should or should not do with their sexualities, with the understanding that the decisions one woman makes do not cheapen or increase the value of sex, sexuality, marriage, relationships, etc. for other women. What works for you may not work for others, and vice versa. People are individuals, and they deserve that respect.
This is very personal to me, and I applaud those of you commenters who have shared with us from your personal experience in discussing this topic. But I must say I don’t feel the same safety here, or in any atmospheres that engage in slut-shaming, to talk about my own experiences with sexuality. All I ask is that you consider the experiences of people who are not like you when you invite them to participate in a discussion.
Jmstamand,
I do not know you. I do not know anything about your life, or about your past. I do not even know your first name. However, I believe the Lord has spoken into my heart concerning you. I believe that you have been deeply hurt by the very thing you are trying to defend. I believe that you enjoy having sex because you feel like you are in control, like you have the power over your body and no one can tell you what to do or force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I believe you crave this feeling of control because at some point in your life you could not control what men did to you. Hurting yourself through broken relationships is not going to give you control. Giving your body to men who lust after you does not give you control, and it never will. I believe you are covered in shame, not for the decisions you have made necassarily, but for rather for the decisions you did not make, could not make. You cannot undo the things that have been done to you. You cannot undo the things you have done to yourself. But God wants to heal your heart in ways you never thought possible and set you free from the chains and the shame you have been carrying. You are lovely and highly valued. How can I say this when I don’t know you? Because all women are lovely and highly valued because they are loved and cherished by God. This blog IS a safe place to talk about your experiences, and it IS a safe place that you can feel secure and cared about in. You are in the company of strong, courageous, women who have been trampled on by the world, just as you have been.
My name is Jessie. I am a 22-year-old, never-married woman living in Oklahoma, and I don’t happen to be Christian myself, although I was raised and still receive love, understanding, and support from a strongly Christian family with whom I share mutual respect. I have searched my feelings and I think the only shame I feel in this discussion is a feeling of dread, that I have trespassed with my unwanted, feminist, sex-positive, secular opinions in a blog which belongs to a community of young Christian women, and what I thought might be a thoughtful attempt to provide a counterpoint about general statements – what All Women are like or what All Women desire – has instead become a derailment and a distraction for these same women, who deserve a safe space to discuss things that are important to them without outsiders like me stealing the microphone.
You seem like a nice person – someone who, like Katie, always has an ear ready to listen and a big heart full of love for those members of your community who are suffering. I am very much reading your compassionate response, which implies that I have suffered assault, rape, sexual abuse, loneliness, or some other terrible experience, as your attempt to find something about me or about something I have written here that you can feel sympathy for when you share your Christian message of support. You probably read my admittance that I don’t feel safe talking about my sexual experiences here as evidence of abuse, rather than evidence of wanting to keep private those (very positive!) sexual experiences which are personal to me.
I have this sinking feeling that you might not be as ready to sympathize with me, be friends with me, talk to me, etc. if you knew me in real life. Because then you would know that, even though many women are survivors of rape, assault, or abuse in their lifetimes, I don’t happen to be one of them, at least up until this point in my life. I am not speaking from any negative experiences of being abused or assaulted, only positive ones which are intended to show that, while abstinence until marriage is something that is important for many women, and they deserve a place to talk about that and support each other, the women for whom abstinence until marriage does not have that same value also deserve safe spaces of community and support, instead of being isolated or shamed, or viewed as wrong, disordered, or in need of fixing.
That attitude – that I must be continually choosing something that is wrong for me, despite my best knowledge of what I want, why I want it, and how it makes me feel – is the situation that feels like it is not safe for me. Many people here have written negatively about something they call ‘sexual freedom’, and provided abstinence-until-marriage as something they see as the solution to that – but I would say that the real importance of sexual freedom, as a concept, is about this very thing we have been discussing all this time – value.
Because this notion of sexual freedom isn’t so much about a mandate to keep you sexually active or anything like that. Sexual freedom allows individuals to evaluate their own feelings on sex and sexuality, and make the choices that are right for them. If you have searched your feelings and have decided that being abstinent until marriage would be a really valuable experience for you, spiritually or otherwise, then making that choice for yourself is a sexual freedom, and it’s a freely-chosen path that even I, as a freely-chosen unmarried, sexual individual, can respect and support you in.
Maybe the solution for me, here, is to no longer view this blog as an open forum speaking to all women’s experiences and paths, but instead to view it as the safe space created by and for young women who have chosen and committed to this particular path.
Recent article from Slate “Sex Is Cheap” http://www.slate.com/id/2286240 . Very interesting, and not from a Christian perspective.
Jesse,
Thank you for being understanding when I made a wrong assumption based on your posts. In my experience (or rather, not my own experience, but my experience in knowing other women) I have never met a woman who pursues sexual relationships without having been through something that made her feel as though she had to. Whether she had something traumatic happen to her, or she simply needed to feel desirable, there has always been at alterior motive. So for me to talk to someone who pursues “sexual freedom” because they like sex is a new experience for me.
And I don’t think that you have to view this blog as a place only for young Christian women to talk about abstinence, because it would probably get boring if that’s all the blog was about with no dissenting opinions, one sided discussions are hardly discussions at all. Now, this may make Kate’s job harder when she has to defend abstinence (sorry Kate…), but I believe it is important to have these discussions from all sides of a subject, otherwise, how will we know what we really believe and why we believe it?
Also, I really think that we would get along in real life, and I hate that I made you think otherwise. You’re right, I do love people. But my love for people isn’t based on what they’ve been through, good or bad. I don’t have to feel sorry for anyone to love them. So anyway, I hope you read this and feel a bit more comfortable sharing here.
Summer,
I in no way shape or form see you as devalued. But you have seen the way sex is inside a marriage and how amazing that can be! What I am saying is that when you take sex outside of marriage it takes away the romance, and the love.
And what I mean by a woman being devalued is that a lot of women now days are seeking approval relationship after relationship and not finding satisfaction.
I mean the act of sex before marriage can trully damage a girl especially young girls, because they think sex is a must to have a happy relationship.
How many young girls have sex because they absolutely want to?
I think most of them feel some sort of pressure and sex wasn’t meant to be a situation where u are pressured into doing something you are unsure of.
I can also say at the point in time where I did have sex before marriage I would not have considered myself devalued. At that time I knew I was loved, but I did not know the extent and amazingness of his love. I am valued beyond belief in his eyes! Which is amazing because even though I did screw up in life, I am loved, and I am washed whited a snow.
I believe every woman is valued sex before marriage or not! But they will have to seek the love of God, bc a meaningless relationship will not satisfy their needs!
And yes I made poor choices, I will fully admit that, but sex before marriage coming from experience, was one of the worst.
Sex was created to be a beautiful experience between two people, but society now tells us its ok to sleep with who ever whenever.
The Bible however does NOT agree!
how do you know this? have you experienced this yourself?
[...] Comments « Why Sex Before Marriage Devalues Women [...]
In case you are following this strand of comments and are interested in my response, I decided to make a public response in the form of a follow-up blog. Here’s the link! Check it out!
Thanks for reading!
-KR
http://awhitestoneblog.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/follow-up-why-sex-before-marriage-devalues-women/
To “devalue” something you must first know it’s value.
I feel like this is where the lines have been skewed. Every where you look images, articles, books, websites all tell us what a women should be. Making it hard to find value in anything outside of looks, love and sexuality. I appreciate this discussion and find every woman who steps back from the culture and honestly looks at how she perceives herself and the value that she places on herself is both brave and wise!
Think about the porn industry, strip clubs, escort services, websites and such. Do you think that these women have great value on themselves? None of us have to be in any of these vocations to feel the pull of minimizing our true emotion of feeling valued and appreciated. This emotion comes when you are alone in your room, having lunch with a friend, being with your family and in the arms of the one you love. We all have different stories and if we are honest nothing fulfills the longing for being valued outside of Christ.
Christ values you. He calls you beautiful, asking for nothing in return. He knit you together in your mother’s womb, creating gifts and desires within you. I challenge myself and you to embrace the true person of Jesus Christ and allow Him to show you a realistic value, a value that is not a luring smokescreen of truth. He wants us to know our value as individuals and as women.
Sydne,
Thank you for not responding emotionally or defensively, but with kindness and love. That’s very commendable, especially when discussing hot topic such as gender and sexuality.
Your comments are appreciated.
-KR
Jessie,
Having known eachother for a very long time, I can say with all confidence that I know there’s nothing “wrong with you” in any way. And knowing you well, I would like to say that my love for you and the reasons I just enjoy being around you are not based on any type of “religious sympathy”, rather on the amazing and brilliant woman that you are. And I hope you know that regardless of whether you consider your self as part of my “community”, you will always have my listening ear and big heart of love….I also want you to know that regardless of whether you consider yourself as part of my “community”, I will always see you as such. 
I always appreciate your perspective on this blog and look forward to reading your comments. You’re a brilliant young woman, a woman I am proud to know.
Obviously, you and I know that we do know and respect each other.
Love you,
KR