Great Blog Post for all women to read! Beware Romantic Pornography from the Gospel Coalition website and written by Betsy Hart.
Check it out and let me know what you think!
Beware Romantic Pornography: A Gospel Coalition Post
July 24, 2011 by awhitestoneblog
2 Responses
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Here are some of the assumptions in the article you might consider:
1. That “porn for women” consists entirely of romantic fantasies and does not include, well, porn, which itself is based on the assumption that women don’t have sex drives, only emotional needs. This would be debunked by the existence of porn made by and for women and of women-friendly sex shops. Women have sex; statistics show women like sex as much as men and seek sexual partners as frequently as men. If the goal for the women who read your blog is to get married to someone who sexually satisfies them, they should know that marriage won’t flip a switch to suddenly give them attractions. They would be better off paying attention to and acknowledging those attractions so they can better understand how to have relationships that are fulfilling for them.
2. That gender-policing men (and women) who exist at all points on the spectrum of masculine-to-feminine is a good thing to do. Gender essentialism is the underlying assumption here, the idea that there is only one “real” way to be a man and that includes traits A, B, and C, and there is only one “real” way to be a woman and that includes traits X, Y, and Z. Policing people’s expression of gender is a really sneaky and awful way to invalidate their experience; policing the gender expression of the types of people they’re attracted to (i.e., women who like men who are good cooks or men who like women who ride motorcycles, among others) is another one. Who cares if the author’s friend wants to date a spa-appointment-setting man? Is anyone really hurt by that? Does that offend God enough to condemn it with the religious authority of a blog post? Do you really the author’s friend to settle into marriage with an insensitive macho sporto if that’s not really the kind of guy she’s attracted to? Stop gender policing her, and feminine men. They have enough problems dealing with gender policing (and violence, and homophobia) from other guys to need it from you. Relationships aren’t one-size-fits all. You shouldn’t have to turn into a Stepford Wife to look for one; guys shouldn’t have to be Han Solo to look for one. The important thing is knowing who you are, accepting other people, and being comfortable with yourself.
3. That, for a woman, being in a relationship with a feminine man is really, really awful and unthinkable, almost like being in a relationship with a woman might be. Leaving aside the implied gender-policing of men and homophobia of that idea (since it would be really rude to imply that women who have been in loving relationships with women have had relationships that don’t count or don’t matter) that assumption is also sexist. As a woman (as many readers of your blog are), I would like to think that my contributions to a relationship are meaningful and lovable and strong and worthwhile. What message does it send women if you say that women in relationships suck? Even the author doesn’t agree, saying “it is easy to love someone like yourself”. I don’t necessarily think that’s true for everyone (people of all genders might look for personality opposites to love), but I do think that you should never seek out someone for a mate who you personally find difficult or challenging to love. Readers, don’t marry someone you don’t love and aren’t attracted to, because even if they fit the current ideal of maley male dudely masculinity, that doesn’t mean they’re the right man/person for you. Only you can know that.
Jessie,
Thanks for you comment as always!!
A thought provoking article.
Yeah, some of the points you bring up I found as flaws in the author’s argument as well. Other things you stated, I hold different views on.
For you or anyone else that would like to get a picture of what I think about this topic check out this blog post I wrote a while back!
http://awhitestoneblog.wordpress.com/2010/04/25/on-pornography/
Also, please take the time to review this video! It’s got really great insight from a young woman who used to star in adult films.
http://investigation.discovery.com/videos/hookers-saved-on-the-strip-porn-as-a-gateway-drug.html
One thing I took away from the article I posted:
Pornography is a problem for both genders. Whether it’s by viewing sexual images or viewing media that demeans and devalues people in other form or fashion, it creates a heart problem in the viewer…. A prejudice… A bias… An unfair expectation. It’s an exploitation and devaluing of gender and sexuality. I think it’s time we, as women, stop point at men ( as the majority of pornographic consumers), and ask ourselves if we do the same thing in a different way.
Thanks for your thoughts!
KR