Archive for November, 2011

Hospital bags are packed!!

Waiting. Waiting to go into labor. Waiting on baby boy to make his grand entrance. It must be some cruel, cruel joke that no one can tell me when this is going to happen.

I’ve read the blogs about the signs, quizzed my doctor, and read my books. They all says the same thing. My body is to have this baby; I’ve got contractions, nesting, and progress. No one can say when labor will actually happen, and until it doe I will probably unpack and repack my hospital bag, David’s hospital bag, and the baby’s bag….again. Oh, you heard it, AGAIN! That is if David successfully hid my mop from me.

I’ve only felt this kind of waiting one other time in my life, and it was right before our wedding day. David and a few of his friends took 5 days and drove from Texas to Ohio for the big day. I was totally in wedding-moving-freak-out-task mode, and he was having a blast seeing the country and making hilarious videos. ( Which by the way, I offer those up for your viewing pleasure HERE.) I was just so ready to see him and marry him and spend the rest of my life with him.

Funny thing is, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I don’t take that for granted, but I am spending the rest of my life with this man. Which is exactly what I’m going to do with the little man we are waiting on to get here.

I guess it’s time to just rest in the fact that we really control a whole lot less in our lives than we think we do. God brought me David to spend my life with. He is such a good gift to me. God began life inside of me and created this precious baby boy. And what a wonderful gift he is to me already. We must not forget that God is both completely sovereign and good. Completely in control with our best interest in mind.

James 1:17-18
” Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.”

Until then…. We wait!


THIS is how Calvin waits!!:):)

38 weeks pregnant!!

Room all ready!



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(This makes me smile:):) )

I know where I’m going, but I don’t have some secret special life plan.

I’m not “following my dream” or letting me “heart lead me”. I’m not following the path to my destiny. I’m not naturally a decisive person. I rarely even know what I want to eat. How in the world would I know what the end of my life should look like when I don’t know what to wear today?

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to know the end of my story; I’m like the ultimate planner, goal-setter, list-crosser-offer. By the way I live, people often make the mistake of thinking I know where this train of life is taking me. Here’s my secret…

The answer to why I do what I do and live how I live isn’t in some special knowledge or compelling feeling, rather it’s dictated to me by the framework of my life.

You see, I see the world through one lens, and that doctrine drives my life and requires of me all that I am. It’s stronger than reason, feelings, and even my own desires. Ironically, it’s in a loss of control, that I have found a life of freedom and adventure.
It’s what the Gospel requires of me.

Worship and Awe.

The Gospel message is so beautiful. It’s so personal. It moves a person right down to their core. The Gospel satisfies all the longings of my heart for love and significance. God’s love is so unbelievably passionate and sacrificial. Every time I hear about it, it’s never old. It still makes me cry. It still moves my heart.

This is why I follow Jesus. This is why He is the center of my affections. My life is my offering of worship. Therefore, it’s with great joy and out of love for Him that I live each day.

How does this effect my life?

Decisions, goals, and future aspirations only matter to me if they bring glory and worship to my God. This helps me make good decisions, hard decisions, and ignore things that really don’t meet my objective.


“It was for the joy set before Him that He endured the cross…”

Jesus willingly endured discomfort, pain, suffering, and every human emotion for me and for you. He was willing. Willing to follow the wishes of His Father in heaven. Willing to walk in a place of faith and dependency on His Father. Willing to live His life for a greater cause.

So often, we do not live our lives from a place of willingness. But when the Gospel really penetrated my heart, I became unbelievably thankful. And it was was from that place of gratefulness, that I became willing. I am willing to give up all things, including control, because of what Christ has done for me. The unbelievable reality of living willingly out of control and in faith is that you find in that God is always good. His love for me and for you always gives us a good, fulfilling life.

A loss of comfort.

The Gospel requires that we loose the ability to be comfortable. As humans, and especially Americans, we worship being comfortable. The idea of comfort may differ from person to person, but ultimately it’s our goal in life, our object of hope, our personal “savior”.

Why does this change because of the Gospel?
It changes because you experience a true and greater Savior! This Savior satisfies much more than comfort does. Because He gave up all comfort as God and became a man, we can draw near to Him. It is in that place that we are filled with love, significance, and purpose. Suddenly, comfort in life just seems like a cheap substitute for what is found in Jesus.

This has drastic implications on my life. I’m emboldened to live a life that in not merely afraid of loosing something, rather I am free to live a life of faith running after something much greater.

A motive of love.

The thing that motivates your life ultimately drives and steers it. Many people struggle with motivation in life. Often, I see it two ways:

1. They don’t know what motivates them, or their motive changes depending on how they feel. These people often feel stuck, indecisive, and unsure. Many times these people spend a lot of time trying to please other people. Sometimes they convince themselves that it’s out of love, but really it’s to receive a good feeling of acceptance from that person. (I was this person, fo sho.)

2. This person is genuinely motivated out of what they can get out of life. Deep down inside they feel like they are failing, and they use it to drive them harder in life. They chase a carrot that never makes them feel good for long, and at the end of the day they are always wishing and hoping for more out of situations, people, and life.

The Gospel can and will change the way you are motivated in life. The love of Jesus ruined me. When I really understood how much God loved me, I lost the ability to really enjoy living for me. His love made me love Him, as well as, naturally and genuinely love other people too.

True love doesn’t expect or need anything in return, so when I love God it isn’t because I’m afraid to not love Him. I love Him because I love Him. It’s such a wonderful, fulfilling way to live. It changes my perception on my life and the people in my life. It’s no longer about what I do, but how I love.

A desire for redemption.

This history of humanity is about redemption. The mission of God from the beginning to the end of time is redemption. The Gospel is not just the story in a few chapters of the Bible about Jesus dying. It’s from the beginning of sin until He comes again one day. Our hearts are longing for this work to be complete. The world and creation longs for death to be no more. God’s mission on this earth is redemption.

When your heart is redeemed, made new, made whole because of faith in Christ, you now have the opportunity to be a part of the only thing that matter in this life. The desire for redemption is birthed in your heart. Truly redeemed people have a desire to see people experience the love, grace, and wholeness that comes with a relationship with Jesus. We want to see sick people well, broken people healed, lost people found, and empty people full of love. The Gospel gives you a mission of redemption. The Gospel gives you true purpose to live.


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(all natural photo…this is what 9 month pregnant and loving it really looks like folks!)

This week I’m working on my “Birth Plan”.

Oh yes, I guess you need one of those now. Its funny how we think we can control the whole labor and delivery thing. Yeah, like I’ve been able to control anything about this pregnancy. My body has been pretty much possessed by pregnant. It takes over. Its a beautiful ride.

So, I’m just going to say it, when people ask about your birth plan, what they really want to know is if you are going to get an epidural. Are you having a “natural” delivery or not?

This whole natural thing is about as much as a fad as hippy flare jeans coming back in style ever 10 years or so. I mean really. A fad in NYC right now is c-sections. I watched a recent documentary talking about the c-section rate being over 50% in NYC. ( national average 20%, Amarillo average 18%) Why so high? Control. Women would rather have the convience of planning and adding on a tummy tuck with their c-section than having a normallabor and delivery.

So back to the big question I keep getting asked, natural or epidural. Which fad will i subscribe to? Which method of control?

Let me respond by making one comment, “Ladies, stop it!

We really need to end this battle with being in control and comparing ourselves to one another!

Kate rant coming……

I’d like to punch the doctor who degrades the woman who has a natural birth by calling it “Macho Feminism.” (That doctor was a man. Ha!) Likewise, I was deck the chick who thinks everyone’s birth experience was just like her’s and able to be natural. Here’s the deal, pain, experiences, and bodies are different for everyone. Get. Over. It. Making someone feel like they are weak because they got an epidural is like telling someone getting a c-section is wrong because it’s not natural. Hello! There’s a reason our infant mortality rate doesn’t suck anymore, it’s called modern medicine. Epidurals are another means of modern medicine.

When I first got pregnant, all these competing voices where pushing me back and forth. Then I finally realized that no voice other than my own was going to make this decision for me, and I certainly wasn’t going to let fear, pressure, or comparison decide how I wanted to spend one of the most important moments of my life.

I’ve weighed my own pros and cons. If I do this thing naturally it will be because the benefits are worth it to me, and because I’ve given up control of the pain that will take over my body to God. If I get an epidural, it will be because the benefits are worth it to me, and because I’ve given up the control of being in charge of my own pain to God.

As for what is written in my birth plan, that’s between me and David. When your time comes, I hope you can decide what’s best for you, and let that be that.


(over 9 months with baby boy)

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Many of you have been wondering what is next for me and David. We have been in the process of praying and discerning what exactly this new work God was calling us to was supposed to look like. We finally feel like we have clarity on what that next thing is!

The story is on my husband’s new blog! Please check it out by clicking the link below!


Thank you for all the prayers and support!!



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