Archive for July, 2012

If the scandalous title of this post is just catching your attention, you are joining in the middle of a discussion about the way women think about the word “fat”. I’d recommend hitting up my previous post if you haven’t read it yet.


9 months pregnant with Solomon Isaac.

It’s amazing how many people describe pregnancy with words like “fat”, “big”, “huge”. Towards the end of pregnancy I couldn’t believe how many people would say, “Wow, Kate, I can’t believe how HUGE you are getting.” It’s amazing to me how growing a human being inside of my 5’3″ body could even have a fat connotation. And I’m not just blaming other people here, seeing the scales increase and clothes stop fitting while I was pregnant wasn’t easy. It was very tempting every day to “go there” in my head.

Let me be honest about something. The scariest thing about seeing that little “+” mark on my pregnancy test last March was how having a baby was absolutely going to change my body. I’ve had some wins and losses with the Lord in my mind with the “fat” mindset and comparison, but becoming pregnant was the first time I had to make the decision to give up complete control, to lay down the rights to my own body.

Nineteen years in the world of competitive sports formed my perception of my body, not to mention the media and just being a woman! I’ve spent the majority of my life in a gym. I’ve been a competitive athlete in gymnastics and track. I’ve done dance and kickboxing. I’ve coached competitive gymnastics, track, and cross country. All of these things are fun and good, but it taught me that my body was for me. I’ve always had control. There have been times in my life where I’ve been healthy and balanced with that control. There have been times in my life where I’ve been extreme, and I’ve used that control to get a feeling of security, to feel good about myself, and to numb fear. Ultimately, whether I was being healthy or unhealthy one thing remained true, my body has always been something I used for my own glory. And that’s where what I believed about my body (with healthy or unhealthy actions) was wrong.

Every growing day of being pregnant felt like a day I lost more control as my body was molded into something completely abnormal than what was normal for me. Iā€™m sure most girls feel this way. The pinnacle was the process of laboring- seeing my pregnant tummy, feeling the intense squeezing of each contraction, and knowing that my body was forcing the exit of the little boy I had carried for nine months.

People say that giving birth is a miracle. The moment Solomon was born was one of the most amazing spiritual experiences of my life. I didn’t tell Solomon’s lungs or brain to form, but my Creator God had used my humble body to create and call a living person into existence. And I had absolutely no control over any of it. I could take no credit. I could only be humbled and overwhelmed at the beautiful thing God had done through my body.

As Solomon took his first few breathes of life, I was reminded of our gospel. How it tells of one who literally gave up his body so that we can have new life.

He had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not (Isaiah 53:2b-3).

He actually knows how it feels to have your body be out of your control. He knows it better than I ever could. My body was never designed for my own glory. It was designed only to tell the story of His glory.

Solomon Isaac in his daddy’s arms just a few hours old.


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There’s about 20 different blogs swirling in my head about this topic. I finally realized I have to just start writing. Luckily I plan on writing about the “F” word until the day I die. This is what you have to look forward to.


There I said it. Probably the worst word a woman can say out loud. Funny thing, because we hear it in our heads quite a bit. This word has moved right out of the medical world and camped out in our brains. It spends its days distorting our thoughts and our self-perceptions and nights scaring the crap out of us with every commercial we see and every comparison we make.

Now I’m all about being healthy, but let’s be honest here, when it comes to the “F” word, no matter what our body shape, most of us aren’t thinking (or therefore acting) in healthy ways. We think too much about the “F” word. We criticize ourselves and others. We make constant comparisons. We are excessive or extreme to silence it. We do whatever it takes to numb what advertisers and media and culture and moms and all of society has drilled into us since we were little girls.

What is your thought life like in this area?

If your internal dialogue was written out, would you read it out loud?

How much time do you spend thinking about it?

Would you do whatever it takes to not feel fat?

How do you treat your body because of how culture has taught you to think about this word? Are you excessive or extreme?

Do you compare your body to other women’s bodies often?

Whoever isolates [her]self seeks [her] own desire; [s]he breaks out against all sound judgment. (Proverbs 18:1 ESV)

First things first, I think it’s time that we talk about this as women. We spend our lives pretending this isn’t something that consumes our minds! We would hate it if people knew how much we think about our beauty, because then we would have to honestly say we don’t have it all together. Don’t you see, if the enemy can keep us believing that no one understands, that our thoughts are justified, and that we are the only one thinking like this, then we are isolated. We break out against all sound judgement. And let’s face it, that exactly what has happened to all of us! There’s so much more to life! Our bodies were made for so much more! Our worth comes from so much more! It’s possible to be free!

I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. (Psalm 34:4-5 ESV)

My next blog will further this conversation, but for today let’s begin with being honest. This is an area that I am not perfect in. I don’t have it figured out. I struggle. But this is an area that I’ve dedicated to the Lord. I’m making the daily decision to allow Him access to this area of my mind and heart, even if that means that all my worst fears about the “F” word come true. He’s worth it to me.

Does God have access into this area of your life? Or is this something you keep to yourself?

Today, I’m asking you just to make the first step. Ask yourself who is getting the glory in your mind and heart. Ask yourself who is getting the glory of your body. Now pray and tell the Lord that He has access to this area. Turn over control.

More on this coming next time. Please share in the comments your thoughts.
Love you!

Wig or Beard? šŸ™‚

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One of the hardest things about being a Christian is staying focused and centered on Jesus every day. Tell me I’m not the only one! In my life, it feels like just about everything stands in the way… Schedule, busyness, baby, stress, daily chores, baby, being tired, even my own sense of expectation. Without conscious effort, I have found that my life drifts towards being segmented into work, rest, play, family, personal, with some left over time for Jesus if He stays in his designated time slot.

Before I had Solomon, it was easy to sit down and read my Bible and pray whenever I made time. Now things aren’t quite that simple. Now I have to choose to give the One I love the best of me, often times when it isn’t convenient. This has as simultaneously showed me how much I had separated him from the other areas of my life and how impossible that was going to be with the constant interruptions of a little one.

I’ve been faced with a choice. Worship Jesus when and if it was ever convenient to do so, or integrate him into everything in my life more. Because I love him, the choice was a no-brainer! I’ve done this by developing “rhythms” of life. These are things, habits, that stir my heart to worship and remind me where my life should be centered.

What are the rhythms and habits in your life every day?

What do those promote your heart to worship?

Kate’s Daily Worship Rhythms:

1. Family Worship

Every day David, Solomon, and I have family worship. For us the best time for us to do that is in the morning before David leaves for work while I’m feeding Solomon breakfast. This practically looks like me caring for Solomon while David leads us by reading out loud a prayer from “The Book of Common Prayer” , reading a Proverb, reading a Psalm, and reading a passage from the Old and New Testaments. This begins our day in unity and focus in the same direction, worship to our Savior.

Family Worship can look however you want it too. I highly recommend this one! It’s a good rhythm for worship, marriage, and family relationship strengthener!

2. Prayer Out Loud in the Car

This is something I started doing because it’s something I observed my husband doing this. Car rides were times when I typically wasted a lot of time just listening to the radio or worrying about things. It’s the perfect opportunity to pray, and praying out loud keeps me focused and Solomon has to listen too!

3. Worship Music, Bible on Audio, and Podcasts

I spend a lot of time at home caring for our house and Solomon. What I found was that if I left my mind to itself, I was prone to worry and mediate on fears. My solution has been fill my house and mind with worship, scripture, and sermons. This doesn’t mean that I listen 24/7, but I do try to listen to glorifying “voices” more than not. I’ve found myself to be way more peaceful and centered on Christ.

4. Turn My Fears to Prayers

This was another simple solution for me. Any time I chose to reflect, dwell on, worship with my thoughts fears, cares, and worries I was choosing to unite myself with something other than Christ, his reality, his goodness, and his power. One important rhythm of my life is to turn those anxieties into prayers of trust to Jesus. I’m not talking about name-it-claim-it-all-up-to-my-faith theology. I’m talking about simple trust in Christ instead of trust in self.

My thought: “I wonder what this rash is on Solomon’s leg? It’s probably something bad. I’m probably a bad mom. He’s probably sick…initiate downward woman spiral…”
Prayer intervention: “KATE STOP! Jesus, please give me wisdom in parenting and heal my little son’s leg.”

My thought: “I don’t like this shirt. I hate the way I look today. I can’t believe I can’t pull myself together today…initiate downward woman spiral…”
Prayer intervention: “KATE STOP! Jesus, thank you for your provision in my life. Thank you that you’ve created me just the way I am. Help me to be thankful and honored to be your daughter. Please help me to see the value in why you’ve given me a body in the first place, to honor you and to be a giver of life.”

5. Take in Moments with Thankfulness

When we lose sight of our worship, we miss moments. The beautiful thing about our Creator is that He has left his signature all over our lives, relationships, and this world. Soak in moments and recognize that they are from them. When you’ve recognized a moment from him, thank him for it and tell someone the testimony that moment is to you of God’s care for you. It’s good to speak of Him. It’s good for others to hear it. And the more you see His signature, the more frequently and the less hard it will be to see it again.

Hope this helps you think about your rhythms! Have a great day!

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Solomon’s content face…or nap face, whatever.

I’ve been praying a lot about contentment lately. I…WE…spend most of our lives trying to become something. Trying to prove that our existence on this earth has meaning. Companies and advertisers have figured this out, and they make millions off of our seemingly bipolar swings between self-assured pride and overwhelming insecurity and inadequacy. We find ourselves chasing a greatness, I think most of the time to keep us from feeling the emptiness that comes from being small and insignificant.

Unfortunately we can even fall into a “Christianity” that’s fundamentally based on the same quest. We actually use God to be great (have a special “calling”, be healthy, become wealthy, and important). This self-serving mentality has caused us to become restless and discontent individuals. Why? Because we weren’t made to worship ourselves. And let’s be honest, that’s what all of this really is.

The real Gospel is something so much different. It’s a promised life of pain. It’s a daily dying of wants. It’s a posture of humility. It gives all the greatness and glory to Another, the only One who is worthy.

Being a mom as only further displayed to me how much I think about me. How much I want things my way. How freaked out I get when I lose control of my life, when I give up my own desires for another. This has made me inescapably aware of my own selfishness. Face and palm meet. Humble pie, you’re not as sweet as you sound.

God really does offers us something greater than what we think we can give ourselves. True contentment. Authentic contentment is found when we choose to dethrone ourselves, lay down our own desires, and place our affections on someone else. The only One who is worthy of that is Jesus. Not only is He the only One worthy of that kind of worship, He is the only One that can handle that kind of pressure. He will never disappoint. There’s a lot of things that promise you that you need it to be happy, so you probably need to hear this again…He will never disappoint. His love for you is greater than any love you’ve ever known. We can stop crushing ourselves and others with our own expectations and start living a life of true freedom.

True contentment comes when you stop living for you.

How am I fostering contentment in my life right now?

1. By not justifying the sins of fear, insecurity, and anxiety.

These things are sins. These sins come from a fundamental belief that God is neither good or great. If I don’t believe that God is good or great, then I believe that I am. OUCH! The problem is we know we can’t really follow through on being perfect and great, so we fall into these sins. They don’t lead to eventual peace and contentment, they steal our joy and God’s glory.

2. By ending my comparison mindset.

Comparison is a contentment stealer. Comparison is one of our many tools to achieve that self-fulfilling validation, and it’s done by stirring up hate and envy in our hearts for others. Usually it creeps in by justifying yourself against other people in an area you feel pride in or an area you are ashamed of. Yep, I’m just going to call it what it is…It’s sick, twisted, and self worship. It will only let you down, steal your contentment, make you feel worse, and leave you with hate in your heart.

3. By letting go of control.

An obsession with control comes from simply feeling out of control. I personally love to control the way I’m perceived by others. I love to control my life. I like to do things my way. The problem with this is control leads to unhealth. Whatever area is being controlled in your life becomes too great to you. It becomes an area that no one else can touch, not even God. What we are saying is, “This is mine.” It becomes an area of self-worship, and it is the most important area to give Jesus because it is the area that will eventually turn your heart away from Him.

4. Redirect worship

Sometimes its good to simply remember why you needed a Savior. When I’m discontent and striving my way through life, I never make the conscious decision to worship myself. I just lose my joy and peace. I stop becoming thankful. Pretty soon I feel depressed with all my efforts and the empty feeling of either having or not having everything I want. This is a problem of misplaced worship. Our rebellious hearts naturally move towards self-worship. Do the hard effort of keeping your eyes and heart fixed on Jesus.

5. Preach the Gospel.

Every day, preach the Gospel to yourself. Meditate on the Gospel. Center your life around the Gospel. Don’t trust your desires and thoughts, remember that they are prone to wander. Our hearts are so sinful that even the good things we do for the wrong reasons. But God offers us grace and unconditional love and placed the punishment of our self-worship on His Son. He did it to make us whole. He is the reason for our lives. In Him there is no need to prove anything, no need to strive, no need to control, not even a need to fear, He is our contentment.

Solomon’s ornery face. (6 months 3 weeks)

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found this photo by googling “melissajenna”

I just wanted to pass on a blog I recently stumbled upon and now obsessively read. www.melissajenna.com That’s her in the picture above!

Please check it out! If you are like me, you will find yourself saying, “ME TOO” , to everything you read! If you’re looking for a place to start, check out her recent post called, “50 Shades of Magic Mike”. It’s an excellent post! And for all you mommas out there, she has some great posts on motherhood too!

Hope you enjoy her blog as much as I do! šŸ™‚

On the home front…

My sweet Solomon suddenly started having sleeping problems! Anyone else experience this at 6 months?

Little man seems to be wired with his momma’s energy and his daddy’s preference for staying up late. So while he’s snoozing through his morning nap, I’m running around the house in my super mom shirt. And as I’m crawling towards the finish line AKA bed at night, he’s ramped up and crawling ALL over the house.

Last night David was at worship community group, and Solomon and I were hanging out at home being buds. When the clock struck 9pm and my eyes were starting to get kind of droopy, out comes crazy-crawling boy. The final straw was when he shot across the room after a dead rolly-polly. I barely made it to his hand in time. That bug was going straight in his mouth.

Don’t get the wrong impression. Have I mentioned today how much I love being a mom? I love being a mom. I love being a mom to a baby boy!

So at 9pm last night, I decided it was time to get the stroller out and walk down to the park. Don’t judge me if your little one is one of those “7pm bed-timers”! I’m envying you right now. This was a last resort! And wouldn’t you know we had a great time, and he fell fast asleep when we got home.

I’m learning motherhood is less about the “rules” (oh, and this firstborn LOVES rules) and more about “whatever works”…and keeps your kid from eating bugs.

A picture from last night’s walk!

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I don’t know a lot about music, but there’s an incredible worship album that moves my heart to worship Jesus like no other right now. The album is called “Austin Stone Live” by Austin Stone Community Church in Austin, Texas.

This band recently led worship at the Acts 29 Lead Pastors and Wives’ Retreat. They gave us all free copies, and we cannot play it enough around our house. If your music repertoire is getting a little dull, check this out. You will not be disappointed.

Here’s a link to preview their music. Enjoy!

My little man today! 6 and half months!

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