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Posts Tagged ‘The “F” Word’

If the scandalous title of this post is just catching your attention, you are joining in the middle of a discussion about the way women think about the word “fat”. I’d recommend hitting up my previous post if you haven’t read it yet.

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9 months pregnant with Solomon Isaac.

It’s amazing how many people describe pregnancy with words like “fat”, “big”, “huge”. Towards the end of pregnancy I couldn’t believe how many people would say, “Wow, Kate, I can’t believe how HUGE you are getting.” It’s amazing to me how growing a human being inside of my 5’3″ body could even have a fat connotation. And I’m not just blaming other people here, seeing the scales increase and clothes stop fitting while I was pregnant wasn’t easy. It was very tempting every day to “go there” in my head.

Let me be honest about something. The scariest thing about seeing that little “+” mark on my pregnancy test last March was how having a baby was absolutely going to change my body. I’ve had some wins and losses with the Lord in my mind with the “fat” mindset and comparison, but becoming pregnant was the first time I had to make the decision to give up complete control, to lay down the rights to my own body.

Nineteen years in the world of competitive sports formed my perception of my body, not to mention the media and just being a woman! I’ve spent the majority of my life in a gym. I’ve been a competitive athlete in gymnastics and track. I’ve done dance and kickboxing. I’ve coached competitive gymnastics, track, and cross country. All of these things are fun and good, but it taught me that my body was for me. I’ve always had control. There have been times in my life where I’ve been healthy and balanced with that control. There have been times in my life where I’ve been extreme, and I’ve used that control to get a feeling of security, to feel good about myself, and to numb fear. Ultimately, whether I was being healthy or unhealthy one thing remained true, my body has always been something I used for my own glory. And that’s where what I believed about my body (with healthy or unhealthy actions) was wrong.

Every growing day of being pregnant felt like a day I lost more control as my body was molded into something completely abnormal than what was normal for me. I’m sure most girls feel this way. The pinnacle was the process of laboring- seeing my pregnant tummy, feeling the intense squeezing of each contraction, and knowing that my body was forcing the exit of the little boy I had carried for nine months.

People say that giving birth is a miracle. The moment Solomon was born was one of the most amazing spiritual experiences of my life. I didn’t tell Solomon’s lungs or brain to form, but my Creator God had used my humble body to create and call a living person into existence. And I had absolutely no control over any of it. I could take no credit. I could only be humbled and overwhelmed at the beautiful thing God had done through my body.

As Solomon took his first few breathes of life, I was reminded of our gospel. How it tells of one who literally gave up his body so that we can have new life.

He had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not (Isaiah 53:2b-3).

He actually knows how it feels to have your body be out of your control. He knows it better than I ever could. My body was never designed for my own glory. It was designed only to tell the story of His glory.

Solomon Isaac in his daddy’s arms just a few hours old.

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